Tonight I am sitting here forcing myself to stay awake so that I can have 5 minutes alone time. Do you ever get like that? Is it odd that I force myself to stay awake to do this?
This week has been absolute chaos! I have driven the hour and a half round trip to my daughters school three times in the past two days, and I will do it again tomorrow for basketball. I have attempted shopping for clothes for an upcoming wedding and squeezed in activities for all the kids. We have rehearsed speeches, practiced a prayer for mass and I swear to God if I hear the words mum, mummy, mama or mama bear one more time I will commit myself.
I know that there are a lot more people worse off than me and there would be people rolling their eyes right about now muttering, first world problems, but they are still problems. My problems!
Not that I think my children are problems (not all the time anyway) I think it is my lack of patience. But for what is patience when you are a mother of four ... is patience the little smile you find when there are witnesses? The sneaky turn of the volume knob when you know you are about to be included in the argument or conversation in the back seat of the car? Maybe it is the complete oblivion you find when your little ones are nagging or calling you for the three-millionth time today. Don't act all innocent, I'm not alone here, am I?
I hang out for these five minutes, the time I can sit in silence, find my calm spot and just relax before someone has a nightmare, or needs a massage or suddenly realises they have homework due the next day.
Did your mother ever say to you, "I hope one day that you have a daughter three times as bad as you!" Guess what mum, your wish came true, but instead of one daughter three times as bad, I got three daughters three times as bad! I don't mean bad as in naughty, although somedays that is debatable, I mean forgetful, lazy, messy, unmotivated, whiney ... that list could go on and on and on!
Being a parent is exhausting, maybe not physically like hubby gets, but mentally and emotionally. Some days I want to run away screaming then minutes later I melt for them when they give you those sappy eyes, other days you'll find me at the park being the big kid that I am, stealing goes on the flying fox! I love being a mum, I miss being me, but tonight I have realised that regardless of my 'status' I am me and that is all that matters!
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