I dreamt of my grandmother last night ...

My nan was the most amazing woman, she was loving and caring but most of all she understood me.
When I was young my nan lived in the South Melbourne and Port Melbourne areas. I would stay with her on school holidays and some weekends and she would take me in to the city. We would eat lunch in the little cafe in 'the arcade' near the old Coles or in the old Myer cafeteria. We would visit the Greater Union cinemas to watch the movies we both would be so excited to see. We would walk through the South Melbourne Market on a Wednesday and buy fresh strawberries. She would take me down Station Pier and we would gaze at the Able Tasman and imagine sailing ourselves, and talk about going to Disneyland when she won tattslotto.
As I grew older we would do similar activities, but would spend more time in her apartment as she grew too grew older. Then I reached my late teens and early twenties, my life became about work and partying, I look back now and regret not making more of an effort. Nan was the only woman in my life that I had to turn to. I could talk to her about everything! After Miss 9 was born my mum and I had a falling out that lasted two years. The only family member that stuck by me was my nan. She understood where I was coming from and supported me also. It was in this time that I rekindled our relationship. She loved my daughter as much as I did. She was older now and I enjoyed being able to assist her.
But when I was pregnant with Miss 3 my nan became very sick. Unbeknown to us she was suffering from pancreatic cancer. No one in our family knew. We still don't know if she was aware herself or if she knew and never told anyone.
She past away April 2009, Easter Monday. We were away in Apollo Bay at the time, I will never forget finding it out. Hubby let me have a sleep in, I could hear him and the then two girls playing, I heard his phone ring. When he walked in the look on his face was sickening. My dad on the other end was sobbing and apologised that he had to deliver the bad news. I don't think you ever recover from that numb feeling of loosing someone so close. After that was just a blur.
I think of my nan everyday. She is always with me and I still refer to her and her words of wisdom that she shared with me. I tell my girls about her often and they accompany me to the cemetery when I visit too.
However, last night I dreamt of her as if she was here. She sat at my dining table while the kettle boiled in the pantry, this a scenario that never occurred as the house was built after she past. We chatted and laughed and bitched about mum she played with the girls and told me how beautiful they were, picking the features and telling me who they looked like.
When I awoke from the dream I felt so close to her. It was almost as if she was right next to me, it was the most bizzarre feeling that I have ever experienced. I honestly don't know what to take from the dream, if there even is anything to take. I think I need a dream analyst.

MCM xxx


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