Hello lovelies

Hello all! 

I apologise for my absence again! It has been a tough one this year! I wrote not long ago about depression and dealing with it and admitted I was a working progress, progress comes in many forms I guess. 

Sometimes when you are dealing with things internally, you forget about what you are doing externally to those around you and visa versa. It's a tough gig. 

But how do we find balance? That is my newest quest. I want to be able to love and care for those around me as well as myself. I am redoing the Finley & Me 30 Day Challenge - 30 Days, 30 Ways For Mothers To Take Care of Themselves. I did this not too long ago, ok, I tried to do this but I'm focused at making a change in my life after I had a massive break down last night. 

It was a typical day, nothing out of the ordinary. We had to do the trip from Torquay to Melbourne so I had loaded the kids in the car and armed them with iPads. After sounding like a broken record lately, I repeated the same line as I buckled them in; Don't throw your stuff on the floor guys, that's how it gets wrecked. 

So later that day when I was ducking to the shop and I lifted Zarah's iPad (that the kids had secretly borrowed) lying on the floor, I was cross. I took a deep breath, picked it up and took it inside when I noticed the rather large crack along the bottom. 

I saw red. 

Lately I have been emphasising how we take care of our things and respect our property. Leaving anything on the floor is unacceptable. Falling on deaf ears though. Maybe after I returned to the car last night, they may listen. 

I may or may not have flipped my lid. 

I may or may not have told them in so many words how disappointed I was with the fact no one listens to me. 

I may or may not have told them anything left on the floor when we get home will be put away in the cupboard. 

I then may or may not have walked around the house collecting all the items left on the floor and put them up in the cupboard. 

Just before I broke down in tears. 

I really hate yelling at the kids, I hate telling them off or fighting with them but sometimes, enough is enough. And honestly, it's the only time they listen. 

But mostly I have been feeling under appreciated. I have found lately that no one does anything to make my day better or nicer. No one fakes to love dinner, no one tries to help me. But why? I have no idea. 

I made fettuccine carbonara for dinner last night. It was the first time. They all ate it and loved it surprisingly. 

So I know we shouldn't place our problems on our children, but sometimes they need to see what their actions are doing to us. Don't be afraid to express yourself around your children because if they don't see all your emotions then how will know what you are feeling or how they are effecting us? 

I am in no way saying let your children see you cry daily or berating them is ok, just be yourself, let them see who you really are. I want my children to know me like I know them. I don't want them to be scared of me or worry about upsetting me, but they need to see me too. 

I would love to know your thoughts! Are you the kind of person to share your feelings and emotions? Or do you hide them away? Do you have an experience with over sharing? Please feel free to comment below! 

Things are looking up, positivity is all around us!