When a small man takes your breath away

HI all!

Well after what seems like the worst week ever ... I am happy to say I'm feeling better today.

This week has been horrible. I have felt run down, tired, dizzy and just plain yuck. I have done nothing but sleep and drive the kids to where they HAVE to go. The poor little tykes are bored out of their brains, thankful for the little bit of sun we had so they could at least venture into the backyard to play.

Yet after feeling crappy for most of the week, on Thursday night I fainted once more. I'm thanking my lucky stars that I was standing in front of hubby when it happened because I would have dropped straight onto the tiles. At 31 weeks pregnant, that scares the shit out of me.

This was the worst episode I have had. I have had many dizzy spells and little fainting episodes, but this one scared me. And that doesn't happen often. I take my condition in my stride. I don't over do it. I don't push myself. I have given up so much so I can stay functional in this pregnancy. But still that's not enough.


Friday morning, after contacting our Maternity unit, we made our way to the hospital to make sure little AJ was doing ok. Thankfully he is! His mother on the other hand? A blubbering mess. I spent the last 15 minutes of the check up bawling my eyes out. Partly because I am so scared of something happening to my little man. Partly because I was so grateful for the caring and loving nature of those on the ward.

After a chat with the Midwife and Obstetrician we concluded that he is going to have to arrive early. This idea scares the crap out me. He is well and I am not so how do you make that decision? Well the decision is one that is already made. We do what we have to ,to keep him safe.

So in 6 weeks, we will be looking at prematurely bringing on labour.

The fear that we hold in hearts at the moment is ridiculous. For the next six weeks, we will fear that I may fall and injure both myself and AJ and we will fear that he will be safe having been brought on early.

Having met with my specialist last night too. I have been advised to restart my medication, ensuring that there will be no risk to my little man. Hopefully this may bring an end to this schmozel!

Hanging in there is all we can do ... until then, I feel like a redundant housewife. I'm not allowed to move. This is my life, I live for my children and hubby and I fill my days with washing and ironing and cooking and this makes me, me. At the moment I have been told to sit. Others will cook. Others will drive my children around. Others will clean my house. I'm struggling with this. As I am sure it is everyone's dream to be waited on hand and foot. I struggle with the lack of need and responsibility I guess.

My children hate it. Small things like not being able to drive my girls to school or kinder and talk to their teachers and see them in assembly gets to me, gets to them. Tears in their eyes when saying I can't do that I'm sorry. I know the reasons why I have to do it. I'm sick of being told off like an errant child for washing my plate or folding some socks. It's hard for me to step away I guess.

I'm not ungrateful for all the help we are receiving. I cannot thank everyone in our lives enough for what they give up and do for us. We are very spoilt with love and care when it comes to things like this. Hubby is amazing, after working a huge week he comes home to pick up toys and hang washing. I've always been one to feel overwhelmed by help though. In the mean time I'll sit back and drink my tea. Read my book. Rest my body.

Only six weeks to go ...